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The Top Ten Worst Hit Songs of 2015
Introduction Todd plays Ellie Goulding - "Love Me Like You Do"#13 on Billboard Year-End Hot 100 on the piano. THE TOP TEN WORST HIT SONGS OF 2015 A year-end review Todd: In a world of online reviews, only one man, one...brave soul waits to release his top tens for the year until mid-January! :Montage clips of The Weeknd - "The Hills"; Drake - "Hotline Bling"; Adele - "Hello"; Justin Bieber - "What Do You Mean?"; Major Lazor & DJ Snake ft. MØ - "Lean On"; Taylor Swift - "Wildest Dreams"; David Guetta ft. Nicki Minaj, Bebe Rexha & Afrojack - "Hey Mama"; WALK THE MOON - "Shut Up And Dance"; Wiz Khalifa ft. Charlie Puth - "See You Again"; Fetty Wap - "Trap Queen"; Meghan Trainor - "Lips Are Moving"; and OMI - "Cheerleader" Todd (VO): I mean seriously, why am I the only one who waits? The year's not over until it's over! I saw some publications put up their best of the year lists in November! It's like Christmas ads, it just keeps rolling further and further. Hell people are doing a whole "Christmas in July" thing now. of publication's "The 50 Best Albums of 2015 ... So Far ''Best of the year. So far. Nothing has happened yet! I, however, prudently choose to not even start working on these babies until the year is good and over so I don't miss anything. Who knows what utter monstrosities might sneak in under the wire! I'm not procrastinating! '''Todd': I'm being thorough! beat Okay I'll admit, I did drag my feet a little bit doing the worst list this year. 'Cause I'll be honest, I didn't really hate all that much! I mean, in fact... Clip of Mark Ronson ft. Bruno Mars - "Uptown Funk" Todd (VO): ...I quite like a lot of the year! After the awful, awful year that was 2014, 2015 was a goddamn relief. I mean of "Pretty Girls" by Britney Spears and... ''did Iggy Azalea have a hit this year? No. See? Much better year. Can't wait to do my best list. I almost don't wanna drag myself through the dregs when pop music took such a notable uptake! '''Todd': In fact it's not too late to skip this list, is it? Can we go right to the best...ah, nah, you'd probably kill me. Alright, let's do this. We're counting down... :Clip of Big Sean ft. E-40 - "I Don't Fuck With You"#47 on Billboard Year-End Hot 100, which serves as the interlude throughout the countdown. :Big Sean: I don't fuck with you Todd (VO): The Top Ten Worst Hit Songs of 2015! :Big Sean: ...you :You little, you little dumb ass bitch, I ain't fuckin' with you #10 Todd (VO): #10. Todd: I don't know how to say this, but um...I'm too old for this shit. #10. T-Wayne - "Nasty Freestyle"#50 on Billboard Year-End Hot 100 :T-Wayne: First let me hop out the motherfucking Porsche. :Don't want it if that ass don't sit like a horse. Todd (VO): Look. I'm in my 30's. In pop music terms, I'm ready for the nursing home. I'm just sitting at home listening to all my old LPs on my hi-fi while the whippersnappers listen to their tween core on Snapgram or whatever the hell. Todd: So let me be clear that while I do hate that this song got big, I hate how ''it got big even more. '''Todd (VO): Let me explain. This is T-Wayne, who is currently tied with cover of Tha Carter VI by... ''Young Thug for "World's Most Generic Rap Name." I've never heard of him, and had I not had to do this list, I literally would have never heard this song. I don't know that anyone really has heard this song! It didn't seem to get any radio play or sell any records. It got famous the same way that... '''Todd': ..."Harlem Shake" did. It was a soundtrack for a... Todd (VO): of a "Harlem Shake" video ...stupid meme! Except that "Harlem Shake" at least was tied to something weird enough that I get why it went viral. montage of various Vines using "Nasty Freestyle." ''This got big off a meme not funny enough to mention that spread entirely through Vines, which you might recall are six seconds long! Most people who have heard this song only know the first couple lines! This is without exaggeration the stupidest way anyone has ever gotten a hit song! The idea that someone got famous off of Vines... '''Todd': ...infuriates me! And I'm famous on YouTube! :T-Wayne: Toilet seat ass nigga, man I swear you getting peed on. Todd (VO): And this is very clear that there is absolutely no way this song would get big on the merits of it being an actual song, cause it isn't. And it's basically just a demo. There's no chorus, it's just...him rapping about how great he is which he is demonstrably not. :T-Wayne: Got a tiger as a pet, I just took him to the vet. Todd: Turns out my tiger has lymphoma. It's very sad. :T-Wayne: I just took him to the vet. Todd (VO): And what's with the vocals dying at the end of that line? Usually you do that for a curse word or on the word "down" so you can drop the beat, not just at the end of a random sentence. Todd: Kinda just sounds like the DJ wants you to stop, I certainly do! :T-Wayne: Been about the money I ain't worried 'bout the fame :I'm 'bout to have everybody saying "Who is Ricky Wayne?" Todd (VO): Don't mistake confusion for interest, you nobody! Todd: Vines... This is not the future I was promised! :T-Wayne: I'm the king of this shit. Crown by the toilet. :That me. Interlude #9 Todd (VO): #9. Todd: Look, I put a country song on here, and it is not bro-country. of Sam Hunt - "House Party" Sam Hunt: We'll have a house party... Todd (VO): It's not that bro-country has magically gone away or gotten better, I've just become numb to it, it's the same song over and over again. I feel kinda bad about that, I really should include at least one because it's such a plague over the entire genre. Todd: And instead the song I picked is uh...sung by women. '#9. Little Big Town - "Girl Crush"#63 on Billboard Year-End Hot 100 :Karen Fairchild: I've got a girl crush. :Hate to admit it but... Todd (VO): I heard about the controversy of this song long before I ever actually listened to it. of article with headline "Why stations are pulling Little Big Town's 'Girl Crush' -- and what that says about country radio ''Country song about lesbians, huh? Well, that's gutsy, I'm impressed. '''Todd': Can't wait to hear it. :Karen: I got a girl crush. Todd (VO): This is...weirdly somber for a song about lesbian curiosity. :Little Big Town: I wanna taste her lips :Yeah, cause they taste like you Todd (VO): What?! Todd: Oh you gotta be shitting me. :Little Big Town: I want her long blonde hair :I want her magic touch :Yeah cause maybe then :You'd want me just as much Todd (VO): I didn't think they could make a song about girl-on-girl that was more horseshit than cover for Katy Perry's... ''"I Kissed a Girl," but Little Big Town pulled it off. "I wanna kiss a girl, because I'm so into a guy." '''Todd': What the hell is this? :Karen: The way that she's pulling you in Todd (VO): The more I hear this song, the more it makes my skin crawl. It promises one thing then pusses out because it doesn't wanna be actually edgy. But of course even that much was too edgy for some. But even without the copout, "tee-hee just kidding, no homo," I have absolutely no idea what purpose this serves. I'd call it just a tease, but it's too mopey to be hot; I'd call it a song about sexual confusion except it focuses so much on the bait and switch; I'd call it a joke song except it's so serious. Whatever it is, it's complete and thorough bullshit! :Karen: I got a girl crush Todd (VO): "Girl crush," are you serious? That's like finding out at the end of Jimmy Buffet's "Cheeseburger in Paradise" that it was made out of tofu! Todd: Look, like boys, like girls, whatever. Just don't lie to me! :Karen: ...it ain't slowing down Interlude #8 Todd (VO): #8. :Clip of Nicki Minaj - "Stupid Hoe" :Nicki: You a stupid hoe, you a, you a stupid hoe :You a stupid hoe, you a, you a stupid hoe Todd (VO): laugh...Yeah, look at picture of... ''that dislike bar. Whoa. '''Todd': Shrugging I never minded this song! :Clip of "Va Va Voom" Todd (VO): See, these are the songs by Nicki Minaj I disliked, the pop stuff! The sell-out stuff! I've never hated the Nicki songs that people tell me to hate. to... "Stupid Hoe"? Didn't hate it. to... ''"Anaconda"? I...I like that song more and more! When she's doing her pure hip hop shtick, I think she's, you know, normally, she's untouchable! So it really, really pains me to say that I finally, finally managed to find a Nicki Minaj rap song... '''Todd': ...that I couldn't justify even the tiniest bit. #8. Nicki Minaj ft. Drake, Lil Wayne, and Chris Brown - "Only"#51 on Billboard Year-End Hot 100 :Chris Brown: Nothing but real niggas only :Bad bitches only :Rich niggas only Todd (VO): To be fair, this is more of a Young Money group joint, so there's plenty of blame to go around. I usually thought Nicki was good enough to not let Young Money drag her down with them. of... I didn't even think her verse on "Bedrock" was that bad! :Nicki: And I just be coming off on top: asbestos Todd (VO): ...okay, maybe it is, but... Todd: ...this is so much worse! :Nicki: Hoes couldn't test me even if they name was Pop Quiz Todd (VO): I mean, first off, the beat is absolutely terrible. And the hook is sung by Chris Brown, which, you know, this is all you need to know there. I keep trying to wash my hands of Chris Brown and he just keeps showing back up like a, like a herpes virus. Todd: And it starts off so well! :Nicki: I never fucked Wayne, I never fucked Drake :All my life, man, fuck's sake Todd: That's right, you sexes! What kind of girl do you think she is? :Nicki: If I did, I'd menage with 'em and let 'em eat my ass like a cupcake :Todd: his arms in confusion Or or...not? Shrugs :Nicki: I don't duck nobody but tape :Yeah. That was a setup, for a punchline on duct tape noises, Todd sighs Todd (VO): You know, normally you shouldn't have to clarify things like that, but...yeah, it's a good thing she did, because I, I wouldn't have realized that was supposed to be a punchline otherwise! I mean, I know we all love a good duct tape joke, but that one wasn't really a knee slapper. :Nicki: Dinner with my man in a G5's my idea of a update Todd (VO): And that was the good rapper! It's only downhill from here! :Drake: I never fucked Nicki 'cause she got a man :But when that's over then I'm first in line Todd: Yeah, you keep telling yourself that, Drake. :Drake: You know L.A. traffic, how the city slow :She was sitting down on that big butt :But I was still staring at the titties though Todd (VO): Oh my god, Drake! And you wonder why your ex doesn't call you on your cell phone anymore? Todd: Shut up. Shut up! Todd (VO): Oh and let's not forget of... ''genetically modified Gila monster Lil Wayne. :'Lil Wayne': I never fucked Nicki, that's fucked up :If I did fuck, she'd be fucked up :Whoever is hitting ain't hitting it right :'Cause she act like she need dick in her life '''Todd': Oh my god, Nicki, why do you put up with this idiot? Shouldn't he be off... :[Clip from ''Star Trek...]'' Todd (VO): ...fighting Captain Kirk or something? What do you even get out of being associated with Young Money anymore? Just cut 'em loose, Nicki, they're making you dumber! Interlude #7 Todd (VO): #7. #7. Selena Gomez - "Same Old Love"#Not on Billboard Year-End Hot 100; peaked at #6 Interlude #6 Todd (VO): #6. #6. Meghan Trainor - "Dear Future Husband"#74 on Billboard Year-End Hot 100 Interlude #5 Todd (VO): #5. #5. Silentó - "Watch Me (Whip/Nae Nae)"#8 on Billboard Year-End Hot 100 Interlude #4 Todd (VO): #4. #4. Taylor Swift ft. Kendrick Lamar - "Bad Blood"#15 on Billboard Year-End Hot 100 Interlude #3 Todd (VO): #3. #3. Fifth Harmony ft. Kid Ink - "Worth It"#23 on Billboard Year-End Hot 100 Interlude #2 Todd (VO): #2. #2. Rachel Platten - "Fight Song"#20 on Billboard Year-End Hot 100 Interlude Honorable mentions Maroon 5 - "Sugar"#5 on Billboard Year-End Hot 100 :Adam Levine: Sugar, yes please Todd (VO): The year that Maroon 5 redeem themselves...not 2015. And this is actually one of the more tolerable Maroon 5 songs in recent memory. I just wanted...you know, that at their best they're still goddamn terrible. O.T. Genasis - "CoCo"#79 on Billboard Year-End Hot 100 :O.T. Genasis: I'm in love with the CoCo, CoCo Another Vine rapper. If there are any other songs that get big off of Vine, just put them on my worst list automatically. Justin Bieber - "Sorry"Not on Billboard Year-End Hot 100; peaked at #1 :'Justin: Is it too late now to say sorry? Todd (VO): Being honest, I actually don't mind this song at all. In fact I honestly kinda like it. It's just...Christ, Bieber's such a shit! :Justin: You gotta go and get angry at all of my honesty Todd (VO): My god, Bieber, you're such a terrible human being! Todd: What the hell is wrong with you... '''''iLoveMemphis - "Hit the Quan"#83 on Billboard Year-End Hot 100 :iLoveMemphis: Hit the Quan! Hit the Quan! Hit the Quan! Todd: No, I'm not gonna hit the Quan. The Quan never did anything to me. Todd (VO): Literally the only reason why "Watch Me" made the list and this didn't is because this actually has lyrics. Todd: Oh, setting low bars today, aren't we? Shawn Mendes - "Stitches"#36 on Billboard Year-End Hot 100 :Shawn: I'm without your kisses Todd (VO): You suck, Mendes! You suck. Nick Jonas - "Chains"#68 on Billboard Year-End Hot 100 :Nick: You got me in chains You got me in chains for your love Todd (VO): Whenever I get annoyed at The Weeknd's hard, sexy R&B guy schtick, I remind myself that it can always, always be worse. Usher ft. Juicy J - "I Don't Mind"#55 on Billboard Year-End Hot 100 R. City ft. Adam Levine - "Locked Away"#40 on Billboard Year-End Hot 100 Interlude #1 Todd (VO): (ominously) #1. #1. Charlie Puth ft. Meghan Trainor - "Marvin Gaye"#75 on Billboard Year-End Hot 100 Interlude Closing tag song: Sia Ft. The Weeknd - "Elastic Heart"#52 on Billboard Year-End Hot 100 THE END This video is owned by me I can't wait til we can break up outta here Footnotes Category:Countdown Lists Category:Articles that need improvement